Topics
by Iamtheradio
Summary: We avoid the topics we make the kids have secrets when they are exposed and everyone else know. We say we never knew it that they had a problem, cause if we would have known we surely would have solved it. But we can't its too late... Jendall.
1. Chapter one Kendall

**Hello! This is my first BTR fan fiction! I was watching an episode earlier and soon listened to this song, and there you have this story! Song is Topics by Nevertheless; listen to if it'll change your perspective. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR but if I did I wouldn't let anyone else play with them. ;) **

Prologue:

_We avoid the topics we make the kids have secrets, and when they are__exposed, and everyone knows. We say we never knew it that they had a problem, cause if we did, we surely would've solved it. But we can't it's too late…_

_Chapter one: Kendall._

A chirping of a bird, the ticking of a clock and the noise of students rummaging down the busy hallway all at one thing in common. They all annoyed the hell out of me. Each day at this hell hole was torture for me every day, but I had to go because I have nothing better to do then this shit. The warning bell rang off bleeding my ears off; I clutched it against my hands and ran them through my dirty blonde hair frantically. A familiar surge went through my veins and into my bloodstream; my palms began to furiously rain sweat. Fuck! It was happening again. This fucking withdraws. Then some freaky shit that you only see in movies happened, like everything around me stopped in slow motion and I was the only person moving regularly. Fuck, this shit was getting worse.

"Kendall? Kendall? Are you alright?" a chirpy voice broke me out of my withdraw spur, I looked up dazing at a small red haired girl with orange freckles, I knew her from some class but don't remember because I barely go to any of them. I think her name was Autumn? Audrey? Abby? "It's me Amber, from Homeroom." That's it, Amber. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Without letting her respond I quickly walked off into the boy's bathroom. Skipping class was almost an everyday thing for me; I hated them, not the people in it just how it makes me feel. All the skipping and fucking up classes I been doing I hope I still pass them and not repeat them again in twelfth grade.

The school's been letting my skipping slide since I was Kendall Knight. The heir of the star of the Minnesota Wild Hockey team, Kevin Knight; married to big time Minnesota lawyer, Katherine Knight not to mention an over-achieving little sister, Katie. Yep, the perfect family. The perfect house, the perfect careers, the perfect looks, and the perfect son. Who isn't so, perfect as he makes them believe? They wouldn't be so perfect anymore if they found out their 'perfect son', was a pill-drug addicting. A white hot pain coursed through me, I knew it was time. Grabbing my backpack, I got out my one and only savior from this pain. The pills. I take them to make everything okay, but yet I still feel the emptiness in my heart. The pressure from everyone who expects me to be the Golden Boy, and from my dad who pushes me to follow his footsteps and take his place of the Minnesota Wild; I love hockey don't get me wrong. It's just the expectation he holds over me pushes me to the limit; this is my way to relive all that stress and pressure. My mom doesn't push me to become a lawyer or anything because she knows I'll most likely end of playing hockey the rest of my life; but she still is oblivious to see that I am dying inside. Work is her life. Sometimes I feel like they don't care about me or what I want, they just want what they want me to be. They're never home most of the time, dad's always playing games or doing interview press shit; the only time I see him is on T.V. That goes the same for mom, always on the road, sometimes she has to do out of state work; but when she is at home she rarely comes out of her office and always doing business on the phone. It's like I'm raising myself.

Lot of people envy my life, being the popular rich kid with famous parents, but they don't get what I'm going through. All the self-hating and pill-taking I do just to void the aching in my chest making its way to my lonely heart. Nobody gets me except my three best friends; James Diamond; Logan Mitchell, and Carlos Garcia. We knew each other since the fifth grade when we got paired as I group on the field trip. Ever since then we've been tight as glue, they knew about my problem at home but they didn't know about my problem here. I've been hiding this from them for a couple of weeks know, or maybe it was months? Hell, I didn't remember.

My hands began to tremble, my forehead poured out body fluids, and my mind was filled with a dazed-fuzzed numb feeling I was all too familiar with. Fuck yes! I loved the beginning feeling of the rush it gave me, but it always wore of minutes later leaving me with the same feeling at started with. I could never last a fucking day without this burning feeling gapping a hole in my chest, I gripped the bathroom sink tightly that my knuckles ached with pain, but I didn't give a shit. Lifting my head up to see the lifeless boy staring right at me, he seemed to yearn for something. To be saved. His once lively bright leaf green eyes know was dull and filled with pain. Tears threatened to leak from them but he tried his best to hold it in, even if he didn't want to.

"Kendall? Bro, you in here?" a voice that I knew said, it was soft yet husky at the same time. James. Shit! "There you are; why aren't you in class?" I quickly washed my face trying to hide the dazed look in it. "I-I needed to use the bathroom, duh, why aren't you?" I tried to cover up by joking with him. "Same here," he looked at me with curious in his light hazel eyes. He went to one of the stalls and began taking a piss, while I made sure the pills where stuffed secretly in my backpack. "So, still up for hitting the rink to practice before the movies?" he asked while washing his hands, we were all the hockey team here at St. Paul Minnesota High School. I was the captain and James was Co-captain, we always created and practice new plays with each other for the team. "Cool, because Logan and Carlos been going off about the new plays we made."

He joked and I slight tug at my lips twisted up, "Fuck, I'm shitting right now just thinking about using them against Winter High next week."

"No kidding, well we gotta go to class." We left the bathroom and headed to third period, somewhere I never wanted to go back to. "Well it's nice for you to finally join us, Mr. Schmidt." Everyone looked up at me when Ms. Bitternut chewed me out, naturally I shrugged my shoulders went to my usual spot next to my boys. What was this class anyway? I looked around the room noticing the posters on the walls, fuck it was Calculus! It wasn't like I was bad at it, actually whenever was in this class I always got A's because I do work at home. It came naturally to me it reminded me of making plays for hockey with all the equations and shapes. My friends never got how I could skip class but yet still make a 3.5 average.

"Keep this up Mr. Knight and you may not be able to play in next week's game that you're dying to play." Carlos mimicked the teacher behind me, he clicked on his lucky helmet, and I smirked. "Yeah- the-fuck-right, nothing will stop me from crushing the shit out of Winter High." We all snickered until I felt something nudged me. Looking up I say Ms. Bitternut glaring at us, well me in particular, she never liked me I don't know why. "Something funny Kendall,"

"Yeah, I was just saying I can't wait to crush the shit out of Winter High next week." Soon everyone around me burst out in giggles I smirked at no one in particular, Ms. Bitternut didn't find it amusing but she couldn't do anything since I was who I was. If she made me miss the game my father would just talk me right out of it and let me play. "Very funny, watch your language. I'm impressed by all the work you turned in last time, every problem seemed it was throughout worked on."

Of course, teachers scowl me on my behavior then worship me later on me perfect 100% grade in class. "What can I say I'm a hard worker, love to do work, just not in class," I folded my arms behind my head and relaxed in my seat. "Anyways, back on to Calculus…" She trailed on but I tuned her out leaving my mind a numb blank.

"Hey, Kendall." A soft girl voice said in front of me, it was Sandy; she was a cute girl with straight brown hair and thin eyebrows. She always went to our games, and she was in the Drama club and Music club.

"Yeah," I whispered back catching her hopeful dark brown eyes. "I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime."

"Like on a date?"

"It doesn't have to be, or if you want it to be-."

"-I'd love to but I can't gotta focus on hockey, maybe next time." I cut her off as she rambled off. "Sure, I totally understand, next time when you're free." Her usually perky voice was disappointed, her eyes trailed down to the floor. I didn't want to hurt her feelings but I didn't want to go out with her, not when I was like this, sure she's pretty and likeable, but I didn't know what held me back from saying yes. But she was type of girl I'd go for if I didn't have this problem; she didn't need some fuck up like me. I felt someone shove my back a little.

"What?"

"What was that about?" Logan asked nodding toward Jo who was glumly drawing lines on her notebook. I looked between her and him, I really wanted to say to yes to her and it killed me, I knew she had a crush on me for years now; I kinda liked her that way too, the old me would take her out in a heartbeat. But the old I died a long time ago. Looking back at the guys I mouthed," Tell you later."

**So, how do you like it? Good or bad? Should I continue; well review and let me know.**


	2. Chapter two Jo

**Here's the second chapter, Jo's side of the story, and her past. **

"_That's right, be a good girl for me." He cooed in my ears wrapping his rough arms around my waist, I tried not to squirm too much to his touch. His breath leaked out beer as he began placing open wet kisses down my neck; I flinched every time he did this. "Relax babe, you'll enjoy it."_

_But I didn't. I tried to numb myself as he undress us and thrust quickly into me, his breathing quickened and just as it started it finished. He fell to the side next to me on the bed; I did this. Letting guys use my body as long as they could make me feel okay, but it never did. Tears rolled down my cheeks, he gave attention to me as I cried myself to sleep. _

"Jo? Wake up." A stern voice said breaking me out of my dream of last night, looking up I saw my English teacher Mr. Simpson giving me a suspicious look. "Hope you had a nice dream about English." Everyone giggled and looked at me. I ignored them.

Last night was like any other of my nights, using sex to release the pain killing what left of my heart. Trying to erase what I little I have left of _him_. Thinking of him made it worse but I still do it, a part of me blames myself for his death. My boyfriend or dead-boyfriend; Jett Stetson. We would have been dating for three years now; I met him in my freshmen year here at South California High School. He was a sophomore at the time, he was my first everything; first date, first kiss, first boyfriend, and my first time having sex; my first love.

I was in love with him, so was he; everyone said that they'd never see the day when Jett Stetson fell in love. But we proved them wrong. We always talked about our future together, getting married, me being a dancer and him an actor, and later on having kids.

Then that day happened. That one day that'll haunt me for the rest of my life. Jett was riding on his motorbike on a busy road on his way to my place; of course I had to call him. Just as he answered and said hello it happened. He was hit. He didn't look up long enough to see a car coming straight at him, killing him off the side of the road. That was the last time I ever spoke to him, that one word killed him. I always blamed myself from his death, because if I haven't called he would still be here, holding me and telling me how much he loved me.

Since then after his funeral I started to hurt myself. Cut myself. Every time I blamed myself I would cut. Soon that wasn't enough, then I one day at a party my friends dragged me to a guy took me to a room and said that he could make me feel okay. Sex. I started that when I noticed it smoothened some of the pain, but it didn't go away. So they let me cry while they listened and tried to sooth me.

I still cut sometimes, my friends; Camille Sanders, Lucy Stone, and Mercedes Griffin knew about my depression with Jett's death but they didn't know my problems. But I knew all theirs. Camille sometimes hears voices in her head since the death of her parents know she lives in a foster home. Lucy used to be Bulimic and is still working on it, sometimes she has urges to binge and purge but we all talk her through it. Mercedes is sometimes suicidal since her father died in the Army, and her mom is an alcoholic who blames Mercedes for his death. We all met had a mental group class my mom made me go to when I went into depression.

"Hey, guys did you hear?" Camille ran up to our table at lunch, her brown hair bouncing in loose curls. We were all used to her usual peppy spirit; Lucy looked up from chewing her salad to see what the brunette wanted to say. "Hear what?" I asked taking a bite out of my ham sandwich; Mercedes didn't even bother to stop eating her burrito to listen.

"So I called out of class to Mr. Waterhouse's office, and he told me that we are being transferred to a different school." We all dropped our foods and stared at the perky girl.

"Excuse me?" Mercedes gritted through mouth of burrito. "Explain." Lucy ordered her.

"He said four girls from that school were being transferred here for a program; and in exchanged we are going there for a 'special program'." She held up quotations and circled to signal as us.

"Yeah by special program they mean some Mental Help class." Mercedes sneered sarcastically. "They can't just move us." I snapped in. "Actually they can because the program they have can help us," the brunette argued, Lucy began flicking out small tomatoes.

The betrayal I was known feeling made its way to back to me. "Where is this school?" Lucy asked stuffing her fork with lettuce. "Um_, it's in Minnesota_, could you hand me that napkin?" Did she just say Minnesota?

"Did you say Minnesota? How they the fuck do they except us to just get up and move there!" Exclaimed Mercedes who looked more pissed off then me. "I know, it's some school called St. Paul Minnesota High school, it must be snowing everyday up there! How am I going to survive without my California sun," cried Camille, she was fanning herself, I had to chuckle at that.

"He said that he talked to our parents and they all like it so their moving with us, we leave this weekend." She stated popping a grape in her glossed mouth. "Good luck with that." I heard Mercedes mutter, since her mother is now an alcoholic. "I'm sure you could live with either me or Lucy, but Camille's is packed."

"Well, I think my fosters parents would probably give some of the kids to a different family for the move." She mumbled. "Sure." Mercedes looked in between us. Camille gripped my wrist lightly; I flinched at the pressure from my cuts. She heard me hiss," You okay?" "Yeah, it's nothing just shaken up, ya know." I mocked humor and covered my cut wrists which were hidden under my bracelets and armbands. They all looked at me with curious eyes, but soon shrugged it off as I giggled nervously.

I bit my lip and stared at my wrists, knowing the hidden truth behind the bracelets.

**Hope it was good, I'm writing to the third chapter, review!**


	3. Chapter three:Kendall

It was lunch and we were sitting at our usual table next to the brick wall, I munched on my bag of Doritos, Carlos was stuffing his face with pizza, Logan chewing an apple, and James using his lucky comb in the pocket mirror he had.

"So, what was Sandy talking about?" Logan wondered out loud, "Yeah, whaff didshewantff?" Carlos said with a mouth full of pizza. "She asked me out." I stated taking a chip out and chopping loudly, ignoring their stares.

"Cool, you're going out with-."

"-I said no." All three boys dropped their doings and gapped wide at me as if I was some alien. "What. Why in hell would you say no? Sandy's pretty hot and she has had it on for since like the sixth grade." James squealed in high pitch and stopped his lucky combing. I just shrugged my shoulders and said," She isn't my type."

"When has type ever matter to you, Kendall, remember back in eight grade you dated that Goth/Emo chick Karma Stein?" "Yep, now she's a rock star like she wanted to be." I nodded towards Lucy who was strutting down the hall with her blue black hair, black clothing, piercings, and hardcore guitar in hand. "Guys, I like her, but I just need to focus on getting us to the championships, I have no time for girls." I stated matter of fact to them and hope they would change the subject. Leaving out the real reason why I turned down the blonde. "Suit yourself." I heard Logan mumble turning his chocolate eyes from my emerald ones.

"Subject change; I heard from someone in class that the school is exchanging the Jennifers and Mercedes to a different school in L.A." spilled James who was obsessed with everything L.A. We all stopped. "Tell." Carlos demanded, he was of course obsessed with anything Jennifers.

"Well, Dak told me that blonde Jennifer said that they are transferring to Los Angeles for a program for their acting, singing, and dancing. Some hotel called Palm Woods so exchange we are getting four kids for some program here." He finished, "If only I could go with them, I mean I got the look, the talent, and the attitude for L.A." He grumbled, taking out his lucky comb again.

I didn't except that. "Whoa, so the Jennifer's are moving! Shit! Just as I was about to ask anyone of them out-."

"-Like you'd had the balls to do that." Logan interrupted. "FYI I just worked up enough balls today, but they're leaving." I wonder what special program this school was secretly hiding for the transfer kids. I chuckled lightly at the antics of my three friends, smiling at them as I watched Logan and Carlos bicker about whom had more ball and James just lucky combing his hair in a hand mirror. I swear if you could marry yourself, James and James would live happily ever after. "You both don't have any balls, okay shut up!" James raised his voice, while hitting Carlos on his helmet and smacking Logan with his comb. I never remembered how long ago I've laughed this wholesome before; being with them is like stepping out of my body and into the old Kendall's.

"C'mon guys pick it up; we've only got as much time as we have before the game against Winter High!" the roaring snarl of our coach Gustavo echoed through the ice rink. We were practicing for the game and learning new plays we made; I wasn't playing my best.

"Yo, Knight! Wake your ass up and play in!" he yelled to me getting redder each time I missed a goalie. "Sorry, coach." Was all I could muster out from the overwhelming pressure I was used to, my head was disconnected from my body as I was shooting out random goals.

Soon enough I got fed up and just left to the bench where Carlos and some other team members where at. "Are you alright, Kendall?" Carlos's concerned voice broke me from my thought; I gave him an unconvincing smile and said, "Yeah I'm fine just out of it today." By the look on his face I could tell he didn't buy it, but at the moment I didn't care. Bits and bits of pain coursed through my head as I heard all the scrapping and scratching the skates did to the hard cold ice.

I tried hard not to let it get to me and cause a scene, with each skate on the ice the more painful the shots got. Looking next to me I saw Carlos still eyes glued to the game as if it was the most fascinating thing he ever saw. Taking deep breathes I shut my eyes tightly that I could feel the stinging right behind the lids.

"Kendall." The sound of my voice being called caused my lids to snap back open so fast blurring the figures in front of me, "Yeah?"

"You're up." James said waving his arm for me to come forward. "Okay, Kendall this is your shot to do this right, make it count." His light voice snaked into my ears. "Okay, play!" Coach shouted buzzing off his whistle for us to start the play.

My concentration point was narrowing on the hockey puck as I was in center with James by my side against Dak's team. We began ringing each other as the competition heated; I knew me and Dak didn't really like each other. Ever since middle school he's always had it out for me, jealous of who I was and what life I lived and now because I'm captain something desired. He wanted me life, I knew it, hell he could have it for all I care. Soon it was mid-game with my team with 5 points and his 4. The tension in our glares caused us to get even more riled up.

"You had it coming Kendall." I heard him whisper as I slide past him to try to make a goal but was cut off. I had it coming? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? To my left was James guarding and Logan also, it was me and Dak center rink. I saw something flash in his brown eyes, anger; aiming towards me. Gustavo blew the whistle off and so was I, racing I got the puck satisfied with my victory of stealing it; as I was smirking to myself trying to make a goal without really noticing what was in front of me.

My whole body got smashed by someone's, Dak's. He tacked me across the board; the impact of the attack had me falling down on my ass on the painfully cold ice floor.

"Hey, Kendall, are you okay?" I heard Logan, James, and Carlos shout as they and other people came rushing to me. "Y-yeah, I'm alright," my voice came out throaty and harsh; I didn't want to come off weak in front of everybody especially Dak. They helped me up but I pushed them away planting firmly back on my feet. "What the hell Dak, don't you think that was too much," Logan yelled to him, he was taking off his helmet and shaking his head no. "No, Logan its fine it just proves he actually has balls like he claim he does." I smirked at him; I knew fucking with him was the wrong thing to do but I needed a rush from this pain.

"I do but where's yours." He was testing my limits, to see if I'd actually do something in front of coach because he knew I'd get suspended to the bench next game. But what he didn't know was that I could use my father as an advantage by just making come here to visit and with that I'll be back on the rink. "You are right Dak when you want it to be." I said as I came closer to him to whisper softly in his ear, "But if you think you could of shit me you better think again, defense." His face began to redden with color and I knew I got to him; I could be a dick I know. But it was the only other way of guarding me and to ease the pain in my chest instead of the pills.

"Okay can you two ladies stop your bitching so we could finalize the plays," Gustavo snarky voice broke us free from our heated stare. "Yes coach." Dak said through gritted teeth while keeping a death gaze at me. We finalized the plays and went was ready to leave. "Dude that was fucking sick what you did to Dak!" James hollered as we walking to my house from the rink. "That dick needed to be put in his place; he knows he can't have my spot so why bother." I witted out, my lips forming a straight line.

We got to my house to find it empty, of course except for my little sister, Katie who was lying on the couch with a stack of book wide open. "Hey, Katie," I sighed seeing that she was of course studying again, trying to follow in on mom's footsteps. "Hey, can't talk gotta study." She grabbed her books and went straight into her room without a single glance. "She's always studying when I see her." James thought out loud to no one.

"Yeah, trying to be the over-achieving good girl she is." My voice was low so they wouldn't hear the amount of sarcasm that leaked out of it. "So, are we going to the movies or what?" I turned around to ask, "Sure." Logan and James replied while Carlos who had his face stuck in the fridge and a sandwich stuffed in his mouth nodded yes. "Cool let me just get something, I'll be out in a sec." I walked into my bedroom scanning around the messy floor and unmade bed, lying on the pile under the clothes where my pills. The itching in my fingers screamed out to just pill up this once before going to the movies. My stomach churning with each passing second I stared tempted at the orange bottle, before I could get any closer a hand was on my shoulder causing me to screech out of fright.

"Yo, you okay bro, I didn't mean to scare you I was just gonna see what took you so long." Carlos laughed amusingly at me; I joined in with him trying to hide my nervousness, "Yeah, c'mon." I took one last glance at the bottle and left with the Spanish boy; if he didn't come in I probably wouldn't have stopped myself from going under.


End file.
